Dear Connor McCavedin and Leon Cryidle,
So there I am at work minding my own business today when all of a sudden I hear a bunch of snivelling dribble on my radio about how you were mistreated by my team. Seriously? Sorry pumpkins, I'll write you a twangy country song called Cry Me A River.
Shouldn't put out the #1 power play? Wat? Here's something for you to learn about fair play...crosschecking and slashes come with whatever kind of power play we want to throw out there. You lose all rights when you whack a guy on the shins with your stick so STFU. Once you're in the box mind your own business. Wipe the tears off your face and the snot out of your nose and try to be presentable.
Duhchardonnay or whatever the hell his name is hardly plays fair. Can we discuss that for a moment? Nurse? If I had my way I'd call up Godzilla and Frankenstein and put them out there on the power play to offset these clowns.
FTR, I also saw that sneaky slewfoot behind the net, Leon. You 3 toed sloth.
I don't wanna hear this crap that makes it all about your team and how you didn't play well. Like you had a say in winning or losing and our team was just a biproduct of that. Shut up. You tried your hardest and when that didn't work you turned to your usual Plan B dirty play. You lost because this team played better and you guys were playing like a bunch of individual hack divas. Real Housewives of Alberta.
Furthermore (I know that's a big word and you likely have to look it up), whining about Demko? Maybe he should've puked on you instead of in his mask. So you'd have an explanation. You made him (and me) sick.
One more piece of advice, take a loss graciously. Don't whine, pout, and cry...save that for your on ice antics that we've grown so accustomed to. Have some humility and accept that you were crap. Because you totally were.
BTW, this is the new and improved Petey so don't bother trying to cream him because he pushes back.
Now I'm not getting too high on this one win and I fully expect you to come out like a bunch of kids trying to get your toy dumptruck back from the sandbox. Kindergarten rage is real. I've seen it in the aisles of Toys R Us.
It likely won't be quite so easy to roll over you (or maybe it will be). But I am celebrating a beautiful performance by my team guilt free and you can't say anything to take that away. They gave me the best birthday present ever. So maybe get Karen to help you write an email and then meditate. Let it all out.
This game was not because you handed it to my team, it was because they earned it and played like a team.
Your interviews are trash.
Love Deb
(PS I hear there's a new Connor in town. He's from Vancouver)