I have life events... anhd im watching everything... i have insomnia... have drank 6 cups of coffee... and have rdeuced my smoking by 94% other than today my caffeine was zero for the last 3 days... and have reduced my uppers by almost 97% 10 days ago i was spending 36$ a day just on smokes and caffeine... and now I have to move out my apartment soon... next couple days...im allowed to start working this year... needed a full year from income, including EI and welfare... because I cannot support myself with this addiction and I cant quit without being flat busted broke... which means I will be evicted soon (i didnt pay rent.... got two weeks to come up with money but also not have access to it)
so... will be calling old friends from NA and AA seeing if they can help me do something, keep bugging this bottle depot to hire me and going to social services while i still have a apartment before they take away any chance of help in the mean time to just keep paying my rent while i move out... the place is not good for me... Im also asking family to explain my situation to mental health without lying... that the drugs i take dont help me enough, im on the wrong drugs... it was a special cocktail made specific for working in high dangerous jobs, but while addicted to smoking caffeine and sleeping pills plus the meds it does not work... so i might as well start from scratch with mood stabilizers which eliminate me from doing dangerous jobs in the future... which eliminates me from construction, which eliminates me from 90% of my suitable jobs which means minimum wage basically... which is 2400 before taxes... and my addiction is 1200 dollars a month my meds are 60$ a month... just a bachelor apartment without a balcony is 850$ permonth...
910... electricity is like 120 in the winter... phone is 40$ you get it... I cant afford to be a addict so.. i choose to put myself at risk and told no one can help me to i wean off ciggarettes, because no one helps you with that... they just give you replacements instead of letting you stay in jail or a locked room till you withdrawal... and I wasnt going to commit a crime just to get a 24-48 hour stay in the jail...
thats why...