Confessions

[gwarrior]

Tried going back to work today. I lasted 2 hours, then something got triggered, I had a meltdown and was sent home. I managed to get the sausages made for the case though. But I clearly wasn't quite ready to be back. Going to try again tomorrow.

[112]

I think Nirvana's music is poor.

[gwarrior]

2 hours ago, 112 said:

I think Nirvana's music is poor.

In my books, Nirvana is overplayed, and over rated. 

[gwarrior]

I'm ready to go all Jeff Hardy on my aunt. The day after my grandma passed, she started talking about how she wants this that and the other. And I'm like "are you fucking kidding me?!!!!". I will knock your ass out, and swan ton your ass because I fucking can!!!!!! (I've got a ladder, by the way).

[-dlc-]

On 12/4/2023 at 9:22 AM, Barnstorm said:

@diesel_3

 

Everyone has difficult periods in life and if the job is worth having and they recognize what you bring to the table life will go on and in a few weeks this will all be forgotten. 

Barnstorm had some very wise words there....so true.

 

And this is something to keep in mind to alleviate some of the "what if's?". If they don't stand beside you it's worth noting and it's good if it's revealed early on. Sure, you're new and maybe it doesn't "look good" but life DOES happen and since COVID, especially, employers should be more sensitive and supportive when it comes to family situations that are out of our control. 

 

Are you able to do any work remotely? Via Zoom or other platforms?

 

Having an elderly parent, I've just gone through some of that. I'm the only one who takes care of Dad and his appointments and recently they've been ongoing (and long...3 hours each). Like you, I've used my personal time and even sick time to cover my absences. My boss is very supportive (thankfully) but, even  If he wasn't, that would be on him. I've got to do this with my Dad and there's no compromise here. Don't carry additional weight of worrying about what they may think...take care of you and your family the best you can and know that you're doing your best to hold it all together. That's admirable and any employer who adds to the pressure probably isn't worth working for. 

[Bob Long]

9 hours ago, gwarrior said:

I'm ready to go all Jeff Hardy on my aunt. The day after my grandma passed, she started talking about how she wants this that and the other. And I'm like "are you fucking kidding me?!!!!". I will knock your ass out, and swan ton your ass because I fucking can!!!!!! (I've got a ladder, by the way).

 

In my experience people can do things in grief that theyd never do otherwise. Just my 2 cents.

[-dlc-]

11 hours ago, gwarrior said:

I'm ready to go all Jeff Hardy on my aunt. The day after my grandma passed, she started talking about how she wants this that and the other. And I'm like "are you fucking kidding me?!!!!". I will knock your ass out, and swan ton your ass because I fucking can!!!!!! (I've got a ladder, by the way).

I can't understand people who swoop in like vultures when someone passes away. Like really? You want their "stuff"?

 

It happened to my Mom and Dad when their parents passed (my Grandparents). We were appalled and backed away and wouldn't engage in the rifling through stuf just to 'pick and choose". I got offered a box (of mostly crap) that was my Grandma's after everyone had picked through her treasures. Cracked plates (yes, they were china but....). I did get a doillie that she crocheted that I treasure. She made many and, of course, the one in the box was stained. But I love it. It was supposed to be in order of age and with everyone picking something...but when my turn came they said "oh...Susie wanted that (too)" , etc. So sure, take it. I refused to "fight" over stuff when I was mourning my lovely grandmother. My grandmother had 4 children (3 of whom were still alive) yet one Aunt "took charge" of things and distributed them. FTR, my mom was the eldest and likely should've have been assigned that task. But this aunt was a busy body and we just...opted out of the chaos.

 

All the pictures of my parents went to....two swarmy aunts (my Mom's sister ^ and Dad's sister). I changed my view of them when I saw their behaviour. Very poor.

 

@Bob Long   A good point but, in my view, it can highlight behaviour that maybe was already there that we've just overlooked. In my case, anyhow. It just revealed stuff about people's priorities and how materialistic some are. 

 

 

[Northern_Nuck]

7 minutes ago, -dlc- said:

I can't understand people who swoop in like vultures when someone passes away. Like really? You want their "stuff"?

 

It happened to my Mom and Dad when their parents passed (my Grandparents). We were appalled and backed away and wouldn't engage in the rifling through stuf just to 'pick and choose". I got offered a box (of crap) that was my Grandma's after everyone had picked through her treasures. Cracked plates (yes, they were china but....). I did get a doilie that she crocheted. It was supposed to be in order of age and with everyone picking something...but when my turn came they said "oh...Susie wanted that (too)" , etc. So sure, take it. I refused to "fight" over stuff when I was mourning my lovely grandmother.

 

All the pictures of my parents went to....two swarmy aunts (my Mom's sister and Dad's sister). I changed my view of them when I saw their behaviour. Very poor.

 

@Bob Long   A good point but, in my view, it can highlight behaviour that maybe was already there that we've just overlooked. In my case, anyhow. It just revealed stuff about people's priorities and how materialistic some are. 

 

 

Isn’t it kind of amusing to watch the low levels of these people?  Learning that they love your things and not you? And it makes all too common. I got kicked out of home at 16 and am self-made. Anything I’ve ever owned, I’ve gotten myself, I fix my own things. 
   I don’t ever see a time in my life where I’d ever go after the departed’s things(including money and property/houses). The most pathetic part of people imo. 

[-dlc-]

41 minutes ago, Northern_Nuck said:

Isn’t it kind of amusing to watch the low levels of these people?  Learning that they love your things and not you? And it makes all too common. I got kicked out of home at 16 and am self-made. Anything I’ve ever owned, I’ve gotten myself, I fix my own things. 
   I don’t ever see a time in my life where I’d ever go after the departed’s things(including money and property/houses). The most pathetic part of people imo. 

It can be so cringy and despicable. 

 

When I raised my two kids on my own, I turned down any form of spousal support from my ex (kind of dumb to do so, really). But I take great pride in the fact that I did things on my own and didn't rely on him. Your comment really resonated with me - same. "Anything I've ever owned I've gotten myself, I fix my own things". I call myself a bit of a female MacGyver (even fixed a power drill once). I take great pride in wearing things out...using them until they're no longer good. Feels green and responsible.

 

I cared for my two neighbours (a couple) who had been alienated from family members/friends when they revealed that they weren't just roommates...they were a gay couple in their 70's (who were so awesome). We lived side by side in our townhouses for 20 years and when one ("T") passed away, the other relied on me to help her. (She actually called me during the emergency when her partner passed...we were both there and it was traumatic). When J went downhill and developed lung cancer, I went over every day and acted like a care aide....she was in rough shape. She asked me to take her 2 cats (her babies) when she passed...to make sure they were cared for. My son was allergic so the cats were to stay "at home", with me going over every day to feed/care for them. (Our front doors are side by side and we shared a front porch and back patios). Their townhouse was to remain their home. Their cats were EVERYTHING to them...super pampered. One (Tiger Tim) was extremely skittish...scared of everything/everyone. He got to know my voice (from the patio) and then, trusted me...it was a slow process. I'd look after the cats when J & T went to regularly stay with a couple of friends on the island.

 

Thing was, J & T had a will and 2 women who we'd never seen/heard from swooped in when they passed. Out of nowhere. I went over one day to feed the cats and there was a woman and a child, having a "tea party" as they called it in the living room. WTH? Not mourning, like the rest of us. Partying. The cats were hiding under the beds...it took me 2 days to coax Tiger Tim out. He hadn't ever been around toddlers and he was traumatized.

 

Their island friends were livid.....they called me...."who the hell are they?". No one knew of them...long time "acquaintances" from the past who, when J & T were younger, were also a gay couple they'd befriended. And put in their will when they had no one else.

 

I stayed out of everything. J had told my Dad not to worry about me....that I'd be "taken care" of. Apparently she told the friends on the island that too...that she was indebted to me and was leaving everything to the cats...and, when they passed, to me. I didn't do stuff for her for any reward/payment....I just hated seeing her struggle. She didn't drive....I did all her shopping, bill payments/business and even attended to helping her with some personal hygiene that she was so embarrassed about. We were friends and that's what friends do.

 

It was fast and furious....the mystery couple began turfing all the stuff out of J & T's home. Rented one of those big bins and were actually heaving stuff off the balcony into it. I was horrified....I'm talking all their stuff. "Didn't have time" to sort it...had to get the place cleaned out quick (as I'd learn, there was a fight behind the scenes).

 

J & T had been super awesome collectors of stuff...they had so many interests: T Was a woodcarver and some of her hand carved items were being tossed!: She used to invite my kids into her workshop; to watch her ... they loved her.

 

Star Trek, Star Wars, books (they had hundreds....bookshelves lined their halls). Classical records. Stuff about astronomy which they were really into...even had a good telescope....they'd show me stuff in the sky from the balcony. Bird watching (I have 3 of T's carvings...she also made my kids little wooden Christmas tree ornaments).

 

I didn't give a damn or ever even think about "receiving" anything....but it hurt my heart to see their treasures being tossed like junk. The island friends got a lawyer and tried to intervene. Wanted me to get involved but I just....didn't want to. Besides, my parents were both diagnosed with cancer around that same time so it was time for me to shift gears and focus there.

 

Island gals came over on the ferry and started grabbing stuff and putting it in my carport to save it from being turfed. It was like a feeding frenzy over there as they tried to frantically "save" things that were so important to J & T.

 

The final straw was one day when I arrived home from work to find....the two cats on my front doorstep. Crated, with a note. "They have to go, we're painting/selling the place and going to start showing it". It was tragic.  Adding insult to injury...the paint fumes were filling my unit as they hadn't properly ventilated in their "rush" to get things done.

 

The two vultures, who'd learned that I'd cared for J & T in their darkest hours, put a $25,000 cheque in my mailbox before they left. I guess they had a bit of a conscience and were goaded into it by the island friends. I'm not sure what happened with the fight...I hope they at least made it miserable for these 2 to "keep calm and carry on".

 

 

Anyhow, tldr but it feels good to tell their story. I miss them and when I see the items that they did make for me I'm glad not everything was thrown into that bin. They're now my treasures and remind me of all the things we shared together...cats, star gazing, bird watching, etc.

 

 

[Barnstorm]

My neighbour of 30 years across the street passed away shortly after his wife. 
 

His remaining family had to sort through his belongings and eventually put many boxes of his worldly possessions in the carport for the local Salvation Army to collect and distribute to those in need. 
 

I was appalled when the neighbour on his side of the street was rummaging through all his things , unboxing the carefully stored goods and setting aside what she wanted. 

 

No permission, no authority , no respect. 
 

I immediately went over and told her to get off his property and leave his belongings alone. They had been neighbours for over 35 years yet only minimally tolerated one another due to  religious differences. The minute he’s dead she’s rooting through his stuff like an old rat bag.
 

She’s known for walking the neighbourhood and taking things off other peoples property if it isn’t nailed down. Cheap as the day is long and greedy as can be she is. 
 

Even my dog senses her rottenness barks at her every time he sees her. I can honestly say my dog is quiet as a mouse and doesn’t bark at a soul except her. 
 

Funny how even  dogs pick up on the lowlifes. 
 

 

[gwarrior]

2 hours ago, Bob Long said:

 

In my experience people can do things in grief that theyd never do otherwise. Just my 2 cents.

Maybe. But I dont think that's it. My mom and aunt had a falling out over 20 years ago, and my mom has power of attorney here, my stepdad and I are alternates. My aunt is a damn train wreck who has only ever looked out for herself. This shit made me sick to my stomach. 

[-dlc-]

1 hour ago, Barnstorm said:

no respect. 
 

 

My big long rant up there was mostly this. "No respect"...people just lose all sense of respect when they behave this way and treat people's life long collections as a garage sale free box.

[-dlc-]

8 minutes ago, gwarrior said:

Maybe. But I dont think that's it. My mom and aunt had a falling out over 20 years ago, and my mom has power of attorney here, my stepdad and I are alternates. My aunt is a damn train wreck who has only ever looked out for herself. This shit made me sick to my stomach. 

I am Dad's POA. I have done everything for my Mom and Dad and my brother....hasn't been there. He was a train wreck for a period of time. Drugs. Horrible stress put on us. And he now works hard and has a very active life (hunting, fishing, golfing) that helps keep him on track and he doesn't really bother with Dad. But that's ok...we accept that he's better and we're just grateful that he's "back". Puts a lot on me but I've always been the caretaker in the family.

 

With that, it's an even 50/50 split between us when that horrible time comes to make decisions. We're both our parents' children and nothing will change the fact that he's entitled to half when that devastating day arrives. We were loved equally. And, if he lost his mind and fought for more...I'd probably just give it to him. I could never fight as I mourn...I don't think I have the capacity to. Besides, he wouldn't do that either...we look out for each other.

 

We are not materialistic and I'm happy we were raised that way. "People" matter....stuff doesn't.

[gwarrior]

6 minutes ago, -dlc- said:

My big long rant up there was mostly this. "No respect"...people just lose all sense of respect when they behave this way and treat people's life long collections as a garage sale free box.

I didn't think of it that way. Man, when I go, depending on the people around, it could be just that, or a gold mine to some. I've got some really cool memorabilia. Signed pucks and 8 x 10's. Framed stuff. All things that mean something to me. But could mean nothing to someone else.

[-dlc-]

2 minutes ago, gwarrior said:

I didn't think of it that way. Man, when I go, depending on the people around, it could be just that, or a gold mine to some. I've got some really cool memorabilia. Signed pucks and 8 x 10's. Framed stuff. All things that mean something to me. But could mean nothing to someone else.

That was how I felt about my neighbour's stuff. To the vultures swooping in...."junk". But I knew the value it held to them....it was all stuff that told their story.

[UnkNuk]

When a person makes a will, can't they specify that they want a particular object to go to a particular person? 

 

And/or, can't you specify that a particular person will receive all your personal posssessions to do with as he/she desires?

 

If so, some of these situations might be avoided.

[The Arrogant Worms]

1 hour ago, gwarrior said:

I didn't think of it that way. Man, when I go, depending on the people around, it could be just that, or a gold mine to some. I've got some really cool memorabilia. Signed pucks and 8 x 10's. Framed stuff. All things that mean something to me. But could mean nothing to someone else.

I have actually started getting rid of some things that I know that my son won't know what to do with and I give him the money now.

 

Sold off most of my sports cards during Covid when prices were at their peak.  I just sold some old WWF wrestling figures from the mid 80's for $1000

as he isn't a wrestling fan or sports fan.

 

I have 3 sets of good speakers I should sell but not yet lol.

[Bob Long]

1 hour ago, gwarrior said:

Maybe. But I dont think that's it. My mom and aunt had a falling out over 20 years ago, and my mom has power of attorney here, my stepdad and I are alternates. My aunt is a damn train wreck who has only ever looked out for herself. This shit made me sick to my stomach. 

 

Sorry to hear that. I've seen good people go sideways for a bit not really understanding their actions.

 

Well if nothing else, now you know.

 

[The Arrogant Worms]

6 minutes ago, UnkNuk said:

When a person makes a will, can't they specify that they want a particular object to go to a particular person? 

 

And/or, can't you specify that a particular person will receive all your personal posssessions to do with as he/she desires?

 

If so, some of these situations might be avoided.

Yes you can but most people don't think about things like that.  The only thing specific in my Dad's will was that his medals from Korea went to my son and I got his tools and my sister got my Mom's jewellery.

[Barnstorm]

58 minutes ago, UnkNuk said:

When a person makes a will, can't they specify that they want a particular object to go to a particular person? 

 

And/or, can't you specify that a particular person will receive all your personal posssessions to do with as he/she desires?

 

If so, some of these situations might be avoided.

Its important  to have an honourable and trustworthy executor assigned to the deceased’s estate. 
 

The executor is responsible for seeing the assets are distributed as the will specifies. 

[Coconuts]

I've spent the last 3-4 years bugging my parents (early 60's now) about getting a will, for example I told my mom a couple weeks ago that all my siblings and I want for Christmas is for them to get a will. Just.. get it done, it's never made any sense, I know it's a headache but it's much less of a headache than my sibling and I having to fight with the government. 

 

Should be very straightforward, there are four boys so it'll just be split four ways even. Or at least it should be, I know my siblings well enough to know they wouldn't want it done any differently. 

 

At one point me and two of my other siblings were still living with our parents, now only one does, all it'd have taken is them both getting into an accident together and we'd have been fucked. Drives me nuts, inheritance is the only way one of my siblings will ever be able to scrounge up anything resembling a down payment, I wish my parents took that more seriously. 

Edited December 10, 2023 by Coconuts

[gwarrior]

58 minutes ago, Bob Long said:

 

Sorry to hear that. I've seen good people go sideways for a bit not really understanding their actions.

 

Well if nothing else, now you know.

 

Thanks. But my aunt is, and has been for a long time, a toxic person. And she insists on proving it today. Doing nothing but arguing with my mom because she has no money for smokes, and want either my mom, stepdad, or me to pull money out, and fucking drive to her place in Surrey and deliver it to her. I told my mom to block her number, and get ahold of her when it's time to start cleaning my grandma's place out. Ya don't have money for smokes, maybe it's time to quit.

[Bob Long]

1 minute ago, gwarrior said:

Thanks. But my aunt is, and has been for a long time, a toxic person. And she insists on proving it today. Doing nothing but arguing with my mom because she has no money for smokes, and want either my mom, stepdad, or me to pull money out, and fucking drive to her place in Surrey and deliver it to her. I told my mom to block her number, and get ahold of her when it's time to start cleaning my grandma's place out. Ya don't have money for smokes, maybe it's time to quit.

 

Jesus. Yeah distance is key with someone like that.

[gwarrior]

7 minutes ago, Coconuts said:

I've spent the last 3-4 years bugging my parents (early 60's now) about getting a will, for example I told my mom a couple weeks ago that all my siblings and I want for Christmas is for them to get a will. Just.. get it done, it's never made any sense, I know it's a headache but it's much less of a headache than my sibling and I having to fight with the government. 

 

Should be very straightforward, there are four boys so it'll just be split four ways even. Or at least it should be, I know my siblings well enough to know they wouldn't want it done any differently. 

 

At one point me and two of my other siblings were still living with our parents, now only one does, all it'd have taken is them both getting into an accident together and we'd have been fucked. Drives me nuts, inheritance is the only way one of my siblings will ever be able to scrounge up anything resembling a down payment, I wish my parents took that more seriously. 

I hear you loud and clear. My stepdad,63, got one done a couple years ago. My mom,53, is going to get one done once this is done. At least I'm an only child, so I won't have to deal with siblings.

[gwarrior]

6 minutes ago, Bob Long said:

 

Jesus. Yeah distance is key with someone like that.

I told my mom to block her number. She has my number, and I'm not afraid to tell her to back the fuck off, or I'll back you the fuck off!!!! Now is not the time for this shit. Why don't you hit your kids up for smoke money? Oh that's right, they want NOTHING to do with you because you made their lives hell when they were growing up.