Confessions

[Coconuts]

5 minutes ago, gwarrior said:

I hear you loud and clear. My stepdad,63, got one done a couple years ago. My mom,53, is going to get one done once this is done. At least I'm an only child, so I won't have to deal with siblings.

 

It's so important, I understand that one's mortality is a complex thing to think about and work through, but it should be a no brainer to look out for your kids of you have them in the form of a will. 

 

I just watched my best friend have to deal with her father's estate, his lived in Alberta and had property and so on, wound up having to resolve probably a little over a million's worth of assets and track down his stepbrother to share it with. Was a nightmare for over a half a year because he'd have people calling about accounts he knew nothing about, have to clean and sell a home in another province, do a lot of the legwork for his lawyer on his own, and so on. I can't imagine having to deal with something like that, and that was with a will in place. 

 

Death is complicated, dunno why folks would want to make it more complicated for those they leave behind than it has to be. 

Edited December 10, 2023 by Coconuts

[4petesake]

1 hour ago, Barnstorm said:

Its important  to have an honourable and trustworthy executor assigned to the deceased’s estate. 
 

The executor is responsible for seeing the assets are distributed as the will specifies. 

 

 

On the money! 
 

My sister-in-law (who is wonderful) but has always thought that my side of the family was a little dysfunctional because her side was so close, giant family reunions and all. She was the executor of her uncle’s will which stated that his house and farmland were to be sold and the proceeds to be distributed evenly between her family & her cousins. Her mother, sister & brother-in-law all said that ‘Uncle Ernie’ would have wanted them to have the farm and brought their own guy to assess the value so they could buy it from the estate, giving it a value of $120,000. SIL tells them that’s not how it works and pays for a proper evaluation which comes in at a little over $750,000.

 

Her family was pissed because they couldn’t afford to pay that much and wouldn’t accept her explanation is that it’s her duty to abide by the terms of the will. Her family was more than willing to cheat the cousins out of their fair share and never forgave her and haven’t spoken in years. 
 

 

[Barnstorm]

4 minutes ago, 4petesake said:

 

 

On the money! 
 

My sister-in-law (who is wonderful) but has always thought that my side of the family was a little dysfunctional because her side was so close, giant family reunions and all. She was the executor of her uncle’s will which stated that his house and farmland were to be sold and the proceeds to be distributed evenly between her family & her cousins. Her mother, sister & brother-in-law all said that ‘Uncle Ernie’ would have wanted them to have the farm and brought their own guy to assess the value so they could buy it from the estate, giving it a value of $120,000. SIL tells them that’s not how it works and pays for a proper evaluation which comes in at a little over $750,000.

 

Her family was pissed because they couldn’t afford to pay that much and wouldn’t accept her explanation is that it’s her duty to abide by the terms of the will. Her family was more than willing to cheat the cousins out of their fair share and never forgave her and haven’t spoken in years. 
 

 

It’s fortunate the SIl was paying attention. 
 

It’s not hard for a dishonest executor to “tidy up” the affairs in a way that benefits themselves. 

[4petesake]

1 hour ago, Coconuts said:

I've spent the last 3-4 years bugging my parents (early 60's now) about getting a will, for example I told my mom a couple weeks ago that all my siblings and I want for Christmas is for them to get a will. Just.. get it done, it's never made any sense, I know it's a headache but it's much less of a headache than my sibling and I having to fight with the government. 

 

Should be very straightforward, there are four boys so it'll just be split four ways even. Or at least it should be, I know my siblings well enough to know they wouldn't want it done any differently. 

 

At one point me and two of my other siblings were still living with our parents, now only one does, all it'd have taken is them both getting into an accident together and we'd have been fucked. Drives me nuts, inheritance is the only way one of my siblings will ever be able to scrounge up anything resembling a down payment, I wish my parents took that more seriously. 

 

“All kidding aside mom & dad, you know how much we love you but GET YOUR DAMN WILL DONE!”

It’s a terrible & selfish thing to do to the people you care about to leave this earth without a will. It’s not very expensive and relatively easy thing  to do. 

 

 

[gwarrior]

I hope my stepdad is still executor of my grandma's will. Because my aunt won't say shit to him. I'm ready to tell her to fuck off, now she's on my ass about smoke money. I'm crushing beers, and won't drive. "Take a taxi". Why don't you fuck off!!!!

[Northern_Nuck]

6 hours ago, -dlc- said:

It can be so cringy and despicable. 

 

When I raised my two kids on my own, I turned down any form of spousal support from my ex (kind of dumb to do so, really). But I take great pride in the fact that I did things on my own and didn't rely on him. Your comment really resonated with me - same. "Anything I've ever owned I've gotten myself, I fix my own things". I call myself a bit of a female MacGyver (even fixed a power drill once). I take great pride in wearing things out...using them until they're no longer good. Feels green and responsible.

 

I cared for my two neighbours (a couple) who had been alienated from family members/friends when they revealed that they weren't just roommates...they were a gay couple in their 70's (who were so awesome). We lived side by side in our townhouses for 20 years and when one ("T") passed away, the other relied on me to help her. (She actually called me during the emergency when her partner passed...we were both there and it was traumatic). When J went downhill and developed lung cancer, I went over every day and acted like a care aide....she was in rough shape. She asked me to take her 2 cats (her babies) when she passed...to make sure they were cared for. My son was allergic so the cats were to stay "at home", with me going over every day to feed/care for them. (Our front doors are side by side and we shared a front porch and back patios). Their townhouse was to remain their home. Their cats were EVERYTHING to them...super pampered. One (Tiger Tim) was extremely skittish...scared of everything/everyone. He got to know my voice (from the patio) and then, trusted me...it was a slow process. I'd look after the cats when J & T went to regularly stay with a couple of friends on the island.

 

Thing was, J & T had a will and 2 women who we'd never seen/heard from swooped in when they passed. Out of nowhere. I went over one day to feed the cats and there was a woman and a child, having a "tea party" as they called it in the living room. WTH? Not mourning, like the rest of us. Partying. The cats were hiding under the beds...it took me 2 days to coax Tiger Tim out. He hadn't ever been around toddlers and he was traumatized.

 

Their island friends were livid.....they called me...."who the hell are they?". No one knew of them...long time "acquaintances" from the past who, when J & T were younger, were also a gay couple they'd befriended. And put in their will when they had no one else.

 

I stayed out of everything. J had told my Dad not to worry about me....that I'd be "taken care" of. Apparently she told the friends on the island that too...that she was indebted to me and was leaving everything to the cats...and, when they passed, to me. I didn't do stuff for her for any reward/payment....I just hated seeing her struggle. She didn't drive....I did all her shopping, bill payments/business and even attended to helping her with some personal hygiene that she was so embarrassed about. We were friends and that's what friends do.

 

It was fast and furious....the mystery couple began turfing all the stuff out of J & T's home. Rented one of those big bins and were actually heaving stuff off the balcony into it. I was horrified....I'm talking all their stuff. "Didn't have time" to sort it...had to get the place cleaned out quick (as I'd learn, there was a fight behind the scenes).

 

J & T had been super awesome collectors of stuff...they had so many interests: T Was a woodcarver and some of her hand carved items were being tossed!: She used to invite my kids into her workshop; to watch her ... they loved her.

 

Star Trek, Star Wars, books (they had hundreds....bookshelves lined their halls). Classical records. Stuff about astronomy which they were really into...even had a good telescope....they'd show me stuff in the sky from the balcony. Bird watching (I have 3 of T's carvings...she also made my kids little wooden Christmas tree ornaments).

 

I didn't give a damn or ever even think about "receiving" anything....but it hurt my heart to see their treasures being tossed like junk. The island friends got a lawyer and tried to intervene. Wanted me to get involved but I just....didn't want to. Besides, my parents were both diagnosed with cancer around that same time so it was time for me to shift gears and focus there.

 

Island gals came over on the ferry and started grabbing stuff and putting it in my carport to save it from being turfed. It was like a feeding frenzy over there as they tried to frantically "save" things that were so important to J & T.

 

The final straw was one day when I arrived home from work to find....the two cats on my front doorstep. Crated, with a note. "They have to go, we're painting/selling the place and going to start showing it". It was tragic.  Adding insult to injury...the paint fumes were filling my unit as they hadn't properly ventilated in their "rush" to get things done.

 

The two vultures, who'd learned that I'd cared for J & T in their darkest hours, put a $25,000 cheque in my mailbox before they left. I guess they had a bit of a conscience and were goaded into it by the island friends. I'm not sure what happened with the fight...I hope they at least made it miserable for these 2 to "keep calm and carry on".

 

 

Anyhow, tldr but it feels good to tell their story. I miss them and when I see the items that they did make for me I'm glad not everything was thrown into that bin. They're now my treasures and remind me of all the things we shared together...cats, star gazing, bird watching, etc.

 

 

Seems like you and I have a lot in common, it’s rare to find in a narcissistic world that society has become lately. Take care and chin up my friend. 

[Coconuts]

1 hour ago, 4petesake said:

 

“All kidding aside mom & dad, you know how much we love you but GET YOUR DAMN WILL DONE!”

It’s a terrible & selfish thing to do to the people you care about to leave this earth without a will. It’s not very expensive and relatively easy thing  to do. 

 

 

 

For real though, I was thinking about asking my siblings to pony up some money earlier today, if that's what it takes so be it, we'd get it back eventually 

[4petesake]

8 minutes ago, Coconuts said:

 

For real though, I was thinking about asking my siblings to pony up some money earlier today, if that's what it takes so be it, we'd get it back eventually 

 

Yes and saves so much in the long run by doing it now. It can be ugly, expensive  and time -consuming after the fact. Our will was relatively straightforward and not that expensive.

[-dlc-]

1 hour ago, Northern_Nuck said:

Seems like you and I have a lot in common, it’s rare to find in a narcissistic world that society has become lately. Take care and chin up my friend. 

You too, my friend. 

[-dlc-]

21 hours ago, 112 said:

I think Nirvana's music is poor.

It's not for everyone. The thing with music is...it's very much a matter of personal taste.

 

My son hates ACDC.I don't like The Clash.

 

It's very personalized. Thing is, what Nirvana music are you speaking of because it varies a great deal. Sure....Smells Like Teen Spirit, Lithium, etc.

 

And "poor" is defined how? Maybe tone, pitch, quality of sound but....emotion factors in and that's something I appreciate. Kurt didn't care at all about perfection or acceptance and that was evident in some of his lyrics. He hated fame and so his music was more a look into his soul than "work" for analyzing. That appeals to me. Same thing goes for Mark Lanegan, Courtney Love, Jason Molina, Marilyn Manson (hate the weirdo but love his music). Music's very much about connection and you won't connect to everything. But I appreciate you weighing in because it's a good discussion to have. Nirvana directly links me to my daughter...her favourite band when she was a teenager. 

 

Or, some of my favourites:

 

[Northern_Nuck]

15 hours ago, -dlc- said:

It's not for everyone. The thing with music is...it's very much a matter of personal taste.

 

My son hates ACDC.I don't like The Clash.

 

It's very personalized. Thing is, what Nirvana music are you speaking of because it varies a great deal. Sure....Smells Like Teen Spirit, Lithium, etc.

 

And "poor" is defined how? Maybe tone, pitch, quality of sound but....emotion factors in and that's something I appreciate. Kurt didn't care at all about perfection or acceptance and that was evident in some of his lyrics. He hated fame and so his music was more a look into his soul than "work" for analyzing. That appeals to me. Same thing goes for Mark Lanegan, Courtney Love, Jason Molina, Marilyn Manson (hate the weirdo but love his music). Music's very much about connection and you won't connect to everything. But I appreciate you weighing in because it's a good discussion to have. Nirvana directly links me to my daughter...her favourite band when she was a teenager. 

 

Or, some of my favourites:

 

Cobain was self taught… basically playing a right handed guitar upside down and learned how to play by listening to the Beatles and Robert Johnson. He was the first one to mail power chords. 
 

 One of the best ever imho… but music is subjective. 
 I agree whole heartedly on Marilyn Manson… if you take away the antichrist/dark schtick, they actually play good rhythmic Metal and they play it in time. 

[Coconuts]

Dave Grohl and the Foo Fighters were the best things to come out of Nirvana, and I like Nirvana 

 

Nirvana undoubtedly had a larger impact culturally and financially, but the Foo's made better music, Kurt dying unfortunately resulted in Dave's musical evolution, Dave had been in several bands prior to Nirvana (playing all sorts of genres) and Nirvana gave him the means to do his own thing and really run with it 

 

One could point to record sales, but one could also point to Nirvana booming at a time when physical sales were still a mainstream factor 

 

One could also argue Nirvana didn't get a chance at longevity, and while that's true it also is what it is 

 

One could also argue that Foo Fighters may have still happened even if Cobain hadn't died, but we'll never truly know 

 

Kurt was undoubtedly the epitome of grunge and is a defining character from that era, but Grohl is undoubtedly the better musician, better voice too imo 

 

It's weird how it worked out, Kurt never wanted to be a rock star, Dave is one of the world's premier rock stars, to the extent that he's known as the nicest guy in rock 

[Bob Long]

I don't care about Ovechkin. In fact, I don't want to see him beat Gretzky's record.

[Coconuts]

I don't usually give a shit about celebrity weddings but my boy Andrew W.K. managed to bag Kat Dennings and I couldn't be more proud 

 

https://www.instagram.com/p/C0ufJ-6ymDJ/?utm_source=ig_embed&ig_rid=cfb620b2-9e76-4d3e-ac7f-29939761f165

 

[gwarrior]

My mom and I started cleaning out my grandma's place. It's alot harder than I thought. I'm completely drained now. 

[The Arrogant Worms]

19 minutes ago, gwarrior said:

My mom and I started cleaning out my grandma's place. It's alot harder than I thought. I'm completely drained now. 

I never was able to get close to my Grandparents as they lived in Sask.  My Mom's father passed away before I was born.  We would go out every summer for a couple weeks.

 

I understand about cleaning out being hard.  When my Dad passed away 2.5 years ago I actually stayed in his house that night.  He lived there for 64 years.  It is the only house I grew up in.

 

I still have boxes of pictures I have not gone thru.

 

My advice is to take things slow and not try and do too much at once.

 

It is overwhelming.

[LionofJudah]

I'll be going to my first NHL game since the Sedin jerseys retirment game(feb 2020). My first time across the border (Buffalo home game) since about 2018 and my first ever suite experience. (Free game as my father works for a big wig company that own the box. But we take those W's lol)

 

I'm a mix of emotions but mainly just excited. I'm a traveler and its been weird being stuck in Canada for so long. 

[4petesake]

43 minutes ago, The Arrogant Worms said:

I never was able to get close to my Grandparents as they lived in Sask.  My Mom's father passed away before I was born.  We would go out every summer for a couple weeks.

 

I understand about cleaning out being hard.  When my Dad passed away 2.5 years ago I actually stayed in his house that night.  He lived there for 64 years.  It is the only house I grew up in.

 

I still have boxes of pictures I have not gone thru.

 

My advice is to take things slow and not try and do too much at once.

 

It is overwhelming.

 

When my wife’s mother passed we moved all her personal belongings into our basement. She went through it bit by bit, some things much easier than others to sort and donate/give away/throw away or keep but still it took us nearly four years to finish. We might sort for an hour and she would be so emotionally spent we might not try again for weeks or months. Boxes of the most personal effects like photographs were the hardest and for the longest time she thought she needed to keep most everything. Over time she came to terms with letting things go and one day she was ready and went through the photographs. Lots of tears that day but now the things she kept make her smile and bring back good memories.
 

You are spot on about taking it slow. I would add that everyone grieves in their own way and in their own time so allow them the time and space they need.

[gwarrior]

1 hour ago, The Arrogant Worms said:

I never was able to get close to my Grandparents as they lived in Sask.  My Mom's father passed away before I was born.  We would go out every summer for a couple weeks.

 

I understand about cleaning out being hard.  When my Dad passed away 2.5 years ago I actually stayed in his house that night.  He lived there for 64 years.  It is the only house I grew up in.

 

I still have boxes of pictures I have not gone thru.

 

My advice is to take things slow and not try and do too much at once.

 

It is overwhelming.

I'm at home right now, I don't know how my mom is staying at my grandma's place. But thanks for the advice. I guess, in a way I'm lucky. I'm 36 and haven't had to go through this before.

[brilac]

1 hour ago, The Arrogant Worms said:

I never was able to get close to my Grandparents as they lived in Sask.  My Mom's father passed away before I was born.  We would go out every summer for a couple weeks.

 

I understand about cleaning out being hard.  When my Dad passed away 2.5 years ago I actually stayed in his house that night.  He lived there for 64 years.  It is the only house I grew up in.

 

I still have boxes of pictures I have not gone thru.

 

My advice is to take things slow and not try and do too much at once.

 

It is overwhelming.

 

My father passed away in 2016. We did not know that he was sick (Hodgkin's lymphoma) until I received a call that he was at the hospital. 

 

When I saw him in that state, it devastated me. When he passed, my mother, his friend, and I was there. I was holding his arm when he passed. 

 

After that, I was numb and wanted to leave the hospital, that this was over. 

 

Then no one wanted to help with the post death things. I tried to put it as - they are devastated and I am calm/non emotional, taking it as - this is what happened and this is what needs to be done. I was so occupied that I don't think I ever grieved. I was so go go go as there was a lot to do. 

 

I still have his things in his sports bag that I took home from the hospital. It's in the closet, and it's overwhelming to even think about going through those things. 

Edited December 12, 2023 by brilac

[Psylocke]

My grandpa passed away from a heart attack 20+ years ago. I kept the coat he wore that day for over a decade before I was able to part with it (donated it).

 

Losing loved ones is hard. There's no time limit to grieve and mourn. Take as much time as you need to heal. 

[Coconuts]

blink-182 has had more commercial success but Sum 41 is better live and has put out higher caliber music

[Guest]

Work Update: My 1:1 meeting with boss + bosses boss was way better than I could have imagined. They were trying to help me put more supports in place to better help ME, not them! They were actually shocked I thought the meeting was going to be bad and even asked how they could go about extending a meeting invitation to alleviate potential fears of being reprimanded or assuming we are in 'trouble'.

 

My Boss has mentioned lots of times that he wants to make sure i'm comfortable in my position and he always makes himself available for my 1,000 questions. 

 

I have never worked in a place where I actually feel appreciated. During the job hunt process, I learned I could apply to become City police in a smaller city about 60km away. I made it as far as the fitness test just last weekend and finally decided that my old dream of being a Cop is not my new dream. I thought that was what I still wanted to do, but as I went through the process, I realized that now, being a dad, I am more passionate about being available for my son. My Dad worked all the time and never spent any real time with us, only if it was camping out in the woods where he could get shit faced drunk and not have my mom nag at him....So, I don't want that for my son. I am willing to take a huge pay cut for a better quality of life.

 

I know I made the right choice because I am now not wearing this weighted vest of burden and feel I can make even more of a difference in my community doing what I am doing now instead of wearing a police officer uniform. 

 

 

[Coconuts]

On 12/11/2023 at 6:16 PM, LionofJudah said:

I'll be going to my first NHL game since the Sedin jerseys retirment game(feb 2020). My first time across the border (Buffalo home game) since about 2018 and my first ever suite experience. (Free game as my father works for a big wig company that own the box. But we take those W's lol)

 

I'm a mix of emotions but mainly just excited. I'm a traveler and its been weird being stuck in Canada for so long. 

 

I've only ever been to one Canucks game, it was back during the later 2010's and we won against Nashville. A buddy had tickets for him and his girlfriend but he'd overdone it drinking the night before and was sick as a dog, my brother and I had to scramble and get our asses on a ferry last minute and cut it pretty close timewise. 

 

I don't live on the island right now, I'll go back within probably 3-4 years, but when I lived there I rarely left it for anything. I'd hop on the ferry maybe 2-3 times a year (round trip). Leaving the island for anything is a pain: if you want to take a vehicle you get gouged both ways, if you wanna stay it gets even more expensive, and then you're eating and all that other stuff, Canucks games were ultimately more expensive than they were worth at the end of the day. Day trip Canucks games were only really feasible when there were earlier starts and I just couldn't be bothered. 

 

If I'd lived on the mainland I'd have likely gone more frequently. 

Edited December 13, 2023 by Coconuts

[LionofJudah]

2 hours ago, Coconuts said:

 

I've only ever been to one Canucks game, it was back during the later 2010's and we won against Nashville. A buddy had tickets for him and his girlfriend but he'd overdone it drinking the night before and was sick as a dog, my brother and I had to scramble and get our asses on a ferry last minute and cut it pretty close timewise. 

 

I don't live on the island right now, I'll go back within probably 3-4 years, but when I lived there I rarely left it for anything. I'd hop on the ferry maybe 2-3 times a year (round trip). Leaving the island for anything is a pain: if you want to take a vehicle you get gouged both ways, if you wanna stay it gets even more expensive, and then you're eating and all that other stuff, Canucks games were ultimately more expensive than they were worth at the end of the day. Day trip Canucks games were only really feasible when there were earlier starts and I just couldn't be bothered. 

 

If I'd lived on the mainland I'd have likely gone more frequently. 

Ive also only ever done one canucks home game. I'm from ontario, I went on a whim. I had just been laid off work and had time and money. I checked Ticketmaster to see if there was any seats, there were loads. I said I was going and booked a cheap flight for like 5am game day. Landed about 1pm in abbotsford, got a rental car and drove around Van. until 3 when we could check into a cheap room. Went to the game on like zero sleep. Went to the hotel afterwards for the night. Had to be at the airport for 7am the next day.

 

Best decision ever, but I hear you as it was expensive. Now they don't really have cheap Airlines tó fly out that way so its only even more expensive now. 

 

I used to go to every Buffalo game when the canucks were in town. Its a great arena but the atomsphere of a home team, home game is just unmatched. Now I know how the sabres fans feel when they go to home games haha. Maybe ill find myself lucky again when the canucks roll into town and can see another game.