Any old dads here? Looking for advice:)

[Babych]

Hey all. So here’s the deal. 
 

Im thinking about having another child. I do have a grown daughter from a previous marriage, but my gf and I are talking about getting married and having one of our own.

 

I’m 52, she’s 36.. so at least one of us is relatively young. 
 

i will say that, for my age, I’m in great shape. I work out 5-6 times per week, I even do personal training as a side gig. A lot of people are shocked when I tell them my age (they think I’m 10 years younger).

 

 here’s my question to this esteemed group: are there any older dads here? Or children of older dads? I’d love to hear your stories.

[D-Money]

28 minutes ago, Babych said:

I work out 5-6 times per week, I even do personal training as a side gig.

 

That will probably change! 

 

I'm not an old dad, but I've had a couple friends growing up who had them. And now I have a friend who is one. Didn't seem to be any problems. If anything, you have additional wisdom and experience to impart. You will likely be more tired though.

 

You've been through it all, and want to do it again. Sounds like you'd be a great dad - more than some young punk with no money who reluctantly accepts the obligation. There's also the question of health, but a healthy 52 year-old who exercises is probably just as likely to stay healthy for 20+ years as a guy in his 30s who is overweight and not in shape.

[DrJockitch]

Mine are older but my 54 year old brother has a 3 and 6 year old. 
It has been an absolute joy having them around as mine are all of 15 and 18 and miserable mostly. 
I would say it really depends on you and your partner a lot. I am worn out from spending a week with them but it is a very different worn out than the frustration level brought by the teens.  
‘My personal experience with the teen years would say don’t do it, but our teens have been particularly challenging.  Don’t know if they would be harder or easier if I was 10 years older. I already think I will have to work until I die supporting those lazy little fuckers. 

[Alflives]

Why stop at just one? 

[D.B Cooper]

My best friend had an old dad.  
I’ll be honest and touch on what I saw/he talked about. 
 

You want to be 68 trying to teach how to drive?    The kid is going to hate it.

 
Probably miss the wedding/grandchild.  

Great shape now, but the physical abilities for you will die, just as the kids is developing.    The kid will hate this too. 
 

You will be extra tired all day leaving the wife doing most the work and start resenting you.   
 

This is what my buddy dealt with.  
IMO, it’s kind of a selfish move without actually thinking of the kids life.  
No one wants to grow up without a dad, and an old useless one is just as bad. 
Also lots more possible complications come with a geriatric pregnancy (35+)

 

But you do you!

Good luck and I wish you all the best!

[Canuck You]

So all of this just to brag about your work-out routine?!

[bishopshodan]

Two best firend are both old dads. One has 5 kids from 3 women. All his kids love him ( no hate, due to age like DB thinks). He has a young dude still at home but just sent the 18 yr old off on full lacrosse scolarship.

Both are the best dads I know. Makes sense, older people are usually smarter and almost always wiser. 

You can also provide more whe you are older, usually have more resources. Both my friends can afford anything their kids need. Also people are living longer, by quite a bit, you wont be too old to 'teach them to drive'.

 

That said, I dont know why people breed in the first place, I dont see the attraction to it.

However at 52 you should be around to launch these kids off into the world when they graduate, even if you dont keep up your healthy lifestyle.

 

What about adoption? maybe get one a few years old. All of a sudden you're not that old of a dad.

 

I once saw a comedian that called his wife a narcissist for wanting to breed a kid into the world instead of adopting. I think that's kinda true.  Too many people on this planet, why not save a child by adopting and be a hero/dad right out of the gate?

Edited 9 hours ago by bishopshodan

[Shekky]

I am a youngish Dad of 3 my wife and I started having kids in our 20s so that we could enjoy our middle ages child free basically. So I say if you have kids already then enjoy your twilight years. I love my kids but to get to be free of them soon is something I am looking forward too as well. I should also mention that I just turned 40 a week ago 

Edited 9 hours ago by Shekky

[Bob Long]

You and I are about the same age. My kid is 25 now. Would I do it again today... With the right partner yea I think maybe it's possible. 36 certainly isn't too old for one of you.

 

No one can tell you what the future will be, so do what makes you happy we all only get to do this once.

 

The only thing I'd think about is the increased risk of health issues that can occur in kids from older parents, if facing those types of decisions is something you are willing to do, then I say good luck to you.

 

 

Edited 9 hours ago by Bob Long

[D.B Cooper]

27 minutes ago, bishopshodan said:

Two best firend are both old dads. One has 5 kids from 3 women. All his kids love him ( no hate, due to age like DB thinks). He has a young dude still at home but just sent the 18 yr old off on full lacrosse scolarship.

Both are the best dads I know. Makes sense, older people are usually smarter and almost always wiser. 

You can also provide more whe you are older, usually have more resources. Both my friends can afford anything their kids need. Also people are living longer, by quite a bit, you wont be too old to 'teach them to drive'.

 

That said, I dont know why people breed in the first place, I dont see the attraction to it.

However at 52 you should be around to launch these kids off into the world when they graduate, even if you dont keep up your healthy lifestyle.

 

What about adoption? maybe get one a few years old. All of a sudden you're not that old of a dad.

 

I once saw a comedian that called his wife a narcissist for wanting to breed a kid into the world instead of adopting. I think that's kinda true.  Too many people on this planet, why not save a child by adopting and be a hero/dad right out of the gate?

I was just stating what I saw and was told by a friend who experienced it.  
I never said the kid hated him.  
He did hate having an old man teaching him how to drive…

 

He also always complained about how out of touch his parents were. 
But that all stopped when we hit 17 and his dad passed away…….

[Goalie29]

My wife is a special education teacher.  She (and her colleagues) have noticed that many of the kids with learning issues have older parents.  There is science to back it up.  Basically, the older you get, the more chance your sperm has to mutate.  Look up the effects of paternal age on offspring.

[Odjickwillkillyou]

I just turned 49 and much like you, take very good care of myself via hockey, gym and diet. My oldest daughter was born when I was 19 and with her husband has now made me a Grandpa for the 2nd time. My youngest just moved to Cali for college and she is 19. Her mom and I got married when I was 28 and she was 20 so I get the whole age-gap thing. There is a 10-year gap between my oldest and youngest. I can say without hesitation that it was easier (per se) to parent my youngest as I was 30 when she was born and we had the stability of the military for our family. 

 

I am now married to my 3rd and last wife and although I had a vasectomy in 2005 after my youngest was born, I did research having it reversed to give her the child she never had. Unfortunately, it was irreversible and I am now a barren wasteland of lost soldiers lol.  Looking back on it and seeing how much we have been able to do along with her involvement in my children's lives, I am happy we did not attempt to have one.  You have to ask yourself if this is just for her or if you truly do want to be a father again. Otherwise that could wind up causing a resentment which can be tough to overcome. 

 

Either way, best of luck to you and your wife. 

Edited 9 hours ago by Odjickwillkillyou

[nzan]

I'm pretty close to the same age as you - my kids are a bit older now but we did have them pretty late.

I just can't think of anything in life more wonderful and joy-bringing than these idiot kids.

On the other hand, I still remember the first couple of years of no sleep and stuff - that was pretty rough.

But I'd say go for it.

[bishopshodan]

58 minutes ago, D.B Cooper said:

I was just stating what I saw and was told by a friend who experienced it.  
I never said the kid hated him.  
He did hate having an old man teaching him how to drive…

 

He also always complained about how out of touch his parents were. 
But that all stopped when we hit 17 and his dad passed away…….

 

Sure.

Just scanned your post. 

 

Picked up on the 'kid is going to hate it' parts.

My bad for being so waay off base. 

 

At least you didnt call the OP a potential narcissist.

 

 

[-dlc-]

Just think it through (obviously you are).

 

Think of things like if you have an injury or require surgery....how will that impact things? Can your family survive if you were to incur something that required you to be laid up for a period of time?

 

I honestly am doing that kind of assessment in regard to....getting another pet. Weighing it all out. Financially. The burden to others if I am unable to care for it for any period of time. How it means holidays aren't without extra planning, etc.

 

I had my kids in my 20's and it's a beautiful thing now that they're adults and we "share" a lot of activities together. Hockey games, racing (we were just there on Saturday). Being in good shape is important so you've got that covered. You don't want to miss out on family events and outings because you can't keep up.

 

Wanting a child "together" is a lovely thought but it's a lifelong commitment (as you already know). All the best to you.

 

 

[bishopshodan]

He's 56.

Avg lifespan in Canada is 82.

 

Plenty of time, especially if you're in great shape.

Don't know why you'd want to, have you met kids?

but, plenty of time. 

 

[-dlc-]

2 minutes ago, bishopshodan said:

He's 56.

Avg lifespan in Canada is 82.

 

Plenty of time, especially if you're in great shape.

Don't know why you'd want to, have you met kids?

but, plenty of time. 

 

I like kids more than some adults (think MAGA).

 

They're no BS straight shooters. Can be loud as screech monkeys, but that's what earbuds are for.

[Mackcanuck]

I'm in my 70's now have 3 adult sons all 40+

When I look towards the future and see whats left for this generation, It's scary

To bring children into this catastrophe of a world almost seems selfish

Global warming, war, debt, ...

I know, our Country of Canada is the best in the world and it is

and I love my Country

BUT!!!

Federal, Provincial and local Governments deficet spending  multi $$$Billions every year, year after year after year....

Does any government ever have a balanced budget anymore

Who is going to inherit this massive debt?

The world is going to hell in a hand basket

Whats going to be left for another generation

I know there is always hope for the future

I don't have any Grandchildren and I know I am missing out terribly

But I worry about the future generation

 

Apologies for being so negative

 

Edited 7 hours ago by Mackcanuck

[bishopshodan]

1 minute ago, -dlc- said:

I like kids more than some adults (think MAGA).

 

They're no BS straight shooters. Can be loud as screech monkeys, but that's what earbuds are for.

 

I never said I like most adults.

 

There is a lot of pressure to have children, like a lot. Mostly from the grandparents.

 

I like to remind people that not having kids can be amazing.

I have zero regrets. I have a very good life. Health, wealth, and happiness. 

I have an army of nephews and a few nieces. Used to teach kids karate etc... I get enough of my fill of the little straight shooters.

[Gurn]

If you decide to have that child:

take a lot of video of you and the kid together. Also of you and your gf together-with and without the kid. 

Make videos, for your kid's birthday,  first day at school grad day, first date day--- all the important days you can think of. Also make lots of mentions of your parents, in case you aren't around to tell them about grandma and grandpa. If you don't live long enough to be there, at least video of your thoughts, and wishes for your kid will remain. 

A visual record of who you are/were can be helpful to your kid-if you are not there, in person.

 

 Being a lot older than the kid can be an issue- so make sure to keep learning about the new world, the kid will be dealing with. Don't get stuck in your timeline, live in theirs.

 Slang, and language, will change a lot- so keep up with it as best you can.

Tech will also advance, and you will need to keep up.

 

Big challenge- but parenting always is.

[RupertKBD]

@Babych I guess I would be what you might call an "old" dad. I have three grown daughters, but I was in my 30's when all of them were born. (38 for the youngest)

 

I think it's different for everyone, but I don't think I was mentally and emotionally prepared in my 20s, and I firmly believe that I did a much better job of raising them than I would have a decade earlier.

 

TBH, I couldn't see myself doing it again at 50, but as I said, everyone is different. I won't say it will be easy (it won't) but if it's something you and your wife truly want, I don't believe age is that much of a barrier.

 

Just resign yourself to the fact that everyone will assume you're the grandfather and not the father....

[bishopshodan]

3 minutes ago, RupertKBD said:

Just resign yourself to the fact that everyone will assume you're the grandfather and not the father

 

My best bud gets this all the time.

 

He is very funny, could honestly do stand up. So he drags people over the fire zinging them, when they make that mistake

[RU SERIOUS]

There's always the "Rental" Option!   (I think they have a points program too!)

 

No-mess, No-clean up.  Just drop 'em off after the weekend and get your life back to normal afterwards.

 

[Bob Long]

34 minutes ago, bishopshodan said:

 

I never said I like most adults.

 

There is a lot of pressure to have children, like a lot. Mostly from the grandparents.

 

I like to remind people that not having kids can be amazing.

I have zero regrets. I have a very good life. Health, wealth, and happiness. 

I have an army of nephews and a few nieces. Used to teach kids karate etc... I get enough of my fill of the little straight shooters.

 

you definitely don't want to have a kid for other peoples reasons. 

 

[bishopshodan]

29 minutes ago, Bob Long said:

 

you definitely don't want to have a kid for other peoples reasons. 

 

 

It's true though, right?

 

There is massive pressure out there. (Grand)parents, like I mentioned can be brutal. There is also the sense that having a kid is the most amazing/important thing someone can do. That, if you dont you are missing out on a happiness so deep that us non-breeders wouldn't understand.

I push back on that for a variety of reasons. I am soo free at my age, I cant wait to waste money and time on my future and keep learning etc...

 

But more than that, the world isn't soo peachy. The future looks worse than ever and in the present too many people think they can handle raising a family, that cant.

 

I know this. I have seen the results first hand with the young men incarcerated. A sprinkle on top of that is that my wife works for MCFD.... I know the suffering, the struggle, the pain, that can come from not being prepared for breeding.

 

I know, that this is not the case for our OP but society needs to back off a little. There is enough people in this world and with kids that could be adopted, why does everyone think their dna is soo damn important?