Any old dads here? Looking for advice:)

[Bob Long]

4 minutes ago, bishopshodan said:

 

It's true though, right?

 

There is massive pressure out there. (Grand)parents, like I mentioned can be brutal. There is also the sense that having a kid is the most amazing/important thing someone can do. That, if you dont you are missing out on a happiness so deep that us non-breeders wouldn't understand.

I push back on that for a variety of reasons. I am soo free at my age, I cant wait to waste money and time on my future and keep learning etc...

 

its all a choice that opens or closes other doors for sure. The right answer is the one that made someone happy imo. 

 

4 minutes ago, bishopshodan said:

But more than that, the world isn't soo peachy. The future looks worse than ever and in the present too many people think they can handle raising a family, that cant.

 

you and I differ on this but thats OK. I see so much potential for the world once we get through this latest round of playing with fascism. For some reason we seem to need to do this every 100 years or so.

 

Even with knobs like Trump and Pooty there's still great things happening. https://www.gapminder.org

 

4 minutes ago, bishopshodan said:

I know this. I have seen the results first hand with the young men incarcerated. A sprinkle on top of that is that my wife works for MCFD.... I know the suffering, the struggle, the pain, that can come from not being prepared for breeding.

 

I know, that this is not the case for our OP but society needs to back off a little. There is enough people in this world and with kids that could be adopted, why does everyone think their dna is soo damn important?

 

the wife and I talked about adoption at one point, but it wasn't for us. 

 

 

[bishopshodan]

1 minute ago, Bob Long said:

you and I differ on this but thats OK. I see so much potential for the world once we get through this latest round of playing with fascism. For some reason we seem to need to do this every 100 years or so.

 

Even if you dont think humans are doomed, are most people really prepared for the time/cost of raising kids these days?

It should only be considered by those that can provide. It's not responsible to think it is just one's 'right' to breed.

 

3 minutes ago, Bob Long said:

the wife and I talked about adoption at one point, but it wasn't for us. 

 

Why?

[Bob Long]

4 minutes ago, bishopshodan said:

 

Even if you dont think humans are doomed, are most people really prepared for the time/cost of raising kids these days?

It should only be considered by those that can provide. It's not responsible to think it is just one's 'right' to breed.

 

I mean it is your right, but I get what you're saying. 

 

I think the U40s are really overcomplicating parenting now, which is a big part of the problem. No, little Janie doesn't need every experience ever. 

 

 

4 minutes ago, bishopshodan said:

 

Why?

 

Age mostly. We also kind of went through the "should we provide a sibling" thing for our kid and thats not a good reason to do it. 

 

My wife would have been considered a high risk pregnancy so thats why we explored it. 

 

Edited 14 hours ago by Bob Long

[bishopshodan]

1 minute ago, Bob Long said:

I think the U40s are really overcomplicating parenting now, which is a big part of the problem. No, little Janie doesn't need every experience ever. 

 

I agree with this from what I see.

 

I had the greatest childhood. Most of it resembles the movie 'stand by me' or ' ET' without the dead body or Aliens.

What I am saying is, we were poor and I spent most of my time with friends on adventures, or riding BMX.

 

Keeping up with the Joneses is bigger than ever for these young parents. Tough go of it these days, with the pressure they put on themsleves.

 

"...All you need is love, love.
Love is all you need"

[nergish]

My uncle just had his first kid at 51 with his 37 year old wife. They seem stressed and underslept, but not anymore than any other parents would be.

 

Living the dream though, bud. Absolute Chad lifestyle.

I'm 34 and all I've got is a dog.

[Spur1]

When I was 30 I decided I was too old to have kids. A few years later I married a woman with 2 kids 10 and 3. Although I sometimes thought that it would be nice to have my own I don’t regret my decision. 
I really would have regretted raising a teenager in my 60’s. 

[Taxi]

4 hours ago, D.B Cooper said:

My best friend had an old dad.  
I’ll be honest and touch on what I saw/he talked about. 
 

You want to be 68 trying to teach how to drive?    The kid is going to hate it.

 
Probably miss the wedding/grandchild.  

Great shape now, but the physical abilities for you will die, just as the kids is developing.    The kid will hate this too. 
 

You will be extra tired all day leaving the wife doing most the work and start resenting you.   
 

This is what my buddy dealt with.  
IMO, it’s kind of a selfish move without actually thinking of the kids life.  
No one wants to grow up without a dad, and an old useless one is just as bad. 
Also lots more possible complications come with a geriatric pregnancy (35+)

 

But you do you!

Good luck and I wish you all the best!

 

There are plusses and minuses.

 

The plusses are an old dad generally has more experience, is less selfish, and has more money. People also live longer healthier lives than they did 20+ years ago. 

 

I do agree though. Lots of drawbacks too. I am having a child at 44, and have a 3 year old. I'm exhausted all the time. This would have been easier at 25 for sure, energy wise. But I was also more of an emotional, broke, idiot back then. 

 

And 35+ is not considered a "geriatric" pregnancy. Women having kids at 35-40 is totally normal these days. We have lots of medical advancements that make the process safer.

[Bounce000]

Old me before I had a kid when someone told me they didn't want any: "OMG, but you're only living half your life not raising a child you selfish fuck!"

 

Me now with a 3 year old when someone tells me they don't want any: "Yeahh I get it..."

[Babych]

4 hours ago, Canuck You said:

So all of this just to brag about your work-out routine?!

You saw right thru it

[D.B Cooper]

42 minutes ago, Taxi said:

 

There are plusses and minuses.

 

The plusses are an old dad generally has more experience, is less selfish, and has more money. People also live longer healthier lives than they did 20+ years ago. 

 

I do agree though. Lots of drawbacks too. I am having a child at 44, and have a 3 year old. I'm exhausted all the time. This would have been easier at 25 for sure, energy wise. But I was also more of an emotional, broke, idiot back then. 

 

And 35+ is not considered a "geriatric" pregnancy. Women having kids at 35-40 is totally normal these days. We have lots of medical advancements that make the process safer.

https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/22438-advanced-maternal-age
 

[-dlc-]

1 hour ago, bishopshodan said:

 

It's true though, right?

 

There is massive pressure out there. (Grand)parents, like I mentioned can be brutal. There is also the sense that having a kid is the most amazing/important thing someone can do. That, if you dont you are missing out on a happiness so deep that us non-breeders wouldn't understand.

I push back on that for a variety of reasons. I am soo free at my age, I cant wait to waste money and time on my future and keep learning etc...

 

But more than that, the world isn't soo peachy. The future looks worse than ever and in the present too many people think they can handle raising a family, that cant.

 

I know this. I have seen the results first hand with the young men incarcerated. A sprinkle on top of that is that my wife works for MCFD.... I know the suffering, the struggle, the pain, that can come from not being prepared for breeding.

 

I know, that this is not the case for our OP but society needs to back off a little. There is enough people in this world and with kids that could be adopted, why does everyone think their dna is soo damn important?

My kids both told me early on they weren't going to have children.

 

As much as I LOVE kids (which is why I work in schools) and long for grandchildren, it's their choice. Their lives. Absolutely ZERO pressure from me as I respect their decisions. They're smart...they know the state the world's in. Climate change. Housing. They rent 700 sq foot apartments for thousands of dollars...who has $$ for a child these days? It's expensive. Often both parents have to work to make ends meet.

It's wise to think things through beforehand or it's often the chldren who pay the price by living in poverty or with resentment from parents who are stressed and struggling. 

 

 

[bolt]

Don't think, just do and Your wife is going to severely regret it if you don't 

[Bob Long]

3 hours ago, bishopshodan said:

 

I agree with this from what I see.

 

I had the greatest childhood. Most of it resembles the movie 'stand by me' or ' ET' without the dead body or Aliens.

What I am saying is, we were poor and I spent most of my time with friends on adventures, or riding BMX.

 

Keeping up with the Joneses is bigger than ever for these young parents. Tough go of it these days, with the pressure they put on themsleves.

 

"...All you need is love, love.
Love is all you need"

 

I've been seeing a lot of articles recently on how much pressure parents today are putting on themselves. Apparently they think you are supposed to reason with a two year old 

 

[Coconuts]

3 hours ago, Taxi said:

 

There are plusses and minuses.

 

The plusses are an old dad generally has more experience, is less selfish, and has more money. People also live longer healthier lives than they did 20+ years ago. 

 

I do agree though. Lots of drawbacks too. I am having a child at 44, and have a 3 year old. I'm exhausted all the time. This would have been easier at 25 for sure, energy wise. But I was also more of an emotional, broke, idiot back then. 

 

And 35+ is not considered a "geriatric" pregnancy. Women having kids at 35-40 is totally normal these days. We have lots of medical advancements that make the process safer.

 

Just because it happens doesn't mean there aren't associated risks, and not just for the mother. You're right, a lot of folks are delaying building families for economics reasons nowadays, but there are risks. 

 

https://www.marchofdimes.org/find-support/topics/pregnancy/pregnancy-after-age-35

 

https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/getting-pregnant/in-depth/pregnancy/art-20045756

 

https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/22438-advanced-maternal-age

[jason10009]

I'm an older dad in my 50s, and get along very well with my young son. I try to keep in shape as well. Last summer, my son's new friend watched me play roller hockey and then told him that I look like a grandfather. I don't know what to say but it sort of stings. So food for thought.

[Eddie]

9 hours ago, Babych said:

Hey all. So here’s the deal. 
 

Im thinking about having another child. I do have a grown daughter from a previous marriage, but my gf and I are talking about getting married and having one of our own.

 

I’m 52, she’s 36.. so at least one of us is relatively young. 
 

i will say that, for my age, I’m in great shape. I work out 5-6 times per week, I even do personal training as a side gig. A lot of people are shocked when I tell them my age (they think I’m 10 years younger).

 

 here’s my question to this esteemed group: are there any older dads here? Or children of older dads? I’d love to hear your stories.

 

So i can give you my experience as a male child of a married mother who was 35 and a father who was 53 when I was born.

 

I had a great childhood and despite struggling with some alcoholism and depression issues my father was a really good father, specially when I was younger and had tons of energy,  this was in the 1980's too so no internet / social media etc but lots of sports and outdoor activities which he had no problems despite undoubted being in worse physical shape than you appear to be. The side note here was my mother was a full time house wife and my father retired early at 63 after a pretty successful career in the mining industry. 

 

Now the bit that might be a bit harder to hear is that my father died at 83, a pretty good life for a first-world male. My mother at the time was only in her mid 60's. She had no career skills, a slightly above average pension and little in the way of extended family. 15 years later and my mom has just turned 80 and is still going strong. For that entire time I've supported her, looked after her socially and financially, and tried to be there for her as much as possible - as is my responsibility as a man, or at least that's the way I feel about despite what modern more liberal ideas might suggest. This was also something that was drilled into me every year by my dad. The importance of looking after her after he was gone.  Also losing your father at 30 is not ideal, I know this happens to a lot of people, and at 30 you should be a fully developed man, but when all the rough times keep on coming, I coulda really used having a chat with my old man for some time after that. 

 

I know that's all a bit of a downer - but In my experience, it's something that you need to consider, the legacy that you're leaving for your child and their mother. Both financially and socially.  My mother was also heavily introverted, so she struggled to meet other people and like I said had little in the way of life skills. I'm sure your situation would be different but as different as times and people might be, it's still a factor that you need to keep in mind and discuss with your partner if you wanna leave a fair legacy for your family. 

 

Further to that I would also research the medical implications for the child and mother at your ages. I think there could be a much higher risk of handicap to the child and potential risk to the mother. I'm no doctor, but I've known older couples struggle with labor complications and handicapped children - so be sure you understand those risks and accept them as a couple. 

[WeneedLumme]

8 hours ago, bishopshodan said:

Two best firend are both old dads. One has 5 kids from 3 women. All his kids love him ( no hate, due to age like DB thinks). He has a young dude still at home but just sent the 18 yr old off on full lacrosse scolarship.

Both are the best dads I know. Makes sense, older people are usually smarter and almost always wiser. 

You can also provide more whe you are older, usually have more resources. Both my friends can afford anything their kids need. Also people are living longer, by quite a bit, you wont be too old to 'teach them to drive'.

 

That said, I dont know why people breed in the first place, I dont see the attraction to it.

However at 52 you should be around to launch these kids off into the world when they graduate, even if you dont keep up your healthy lifestyle.

 

What about adoption? maybe get one a few years old. All of a sudden you're not that old of a dad.

 

I once saw a comedian that called his wife a narcissist for wanting to breed a kid into the world instead of adopting. I think that's kinda true.  Too many people on this planet, why not save a child by adopting and be a hero/dad right out of the gate?

 

There may be too many people on the planet, but the population of many developed countries is declining, which is really tough on economies.

 

Do you seriously believe that Canada (40 million people in 10 million square KM, ie: 4 people per square km) is over capacity on population?

 

If someone who is healthy enough to likely see his kids graduate from school and financially solid enough that they won't starve, wants to have kids, more power to him.

[bishopshodan]

23 minutes ago, WeneedLumme said:

 

There may be too many people on the planet, but the population of many developed countries is declining, which is really tough on economies.

 

Do you seriously believe that Canada (40 million people in 10 million square KM, ie: 4 people per square km) is over capacity on population?

 

 

 

Just speaking in regards to the health of the planet.

I mean, eventually it will be fine. After the humans are long gone. 

 

23 minutes ago, WeneedLumme said:

 

If someone who is healthy enough to likely see his kids graduate from school and financially solid enough that they won't starve, wants to have kids, more power to him.

 

You must have missed the post where I said...

 

He's 56.

Avg lifespan in Canada is 82.

 

Plenty of time, especially if you're in great shape.

Don't know why you'd want to, have you met kids?

but, plenty of time. 

[Fanuck]

12 hours ago, Babych said:

I’m 52, she’s 36.. so at least one of us is relatively young. 
 

I'm the same age as you and my partner is the same age as yours ironically.   I'm in exceptional physical shape and nobody believes my age when I tell them.  That said I have a 4yo and a 6yo and it's both exhausting and exhilarating at the exact same time.  I always said that if I became a parent I would be the one participating in their activities with them, not dropping them off so someone else would do it for me and I can say with all honesty that's exactly what I'm doing.   I just came back from my oldest's hockey practice where I'm the main coach.   I ran a practice with over 30 6-8yo while at least 25 parents half my age Sat and watched in the heated viewing area. Some didn't even stay they simply left for the duration of practice. Maybe some couldn't help for whatever reason but I know for certain several could help but don't.  

 

My only advice is that if you and your partner want kids then don't wait around thinking about it, just do it.  You'll regret it more if you don't than the other way around imo.  

[The Arrogant Worms]

6 hours ago, bishopshodan said:

 

I agree with this from what I see.

 

I had the greatest childhood. Most of it resembles the movie 'stand by me' or ' ET' without the dead body or Aliens.

What I am saying is, we were poor and I spent most of my time with friends on adventures, or riding BMX.

 

Keeping up with the Joneses is bigger than ever for these young parents. Tough go of it these days, with the pressure they put on themsleves.

 

"...All you need is love, love.
Love is all you need"

My childhood was a lot like yours......more like Leave it to Beaver/Andy Griffith though.  We spent our time playing road hockey....football at the school field which was 2 minutes away.  We rode our bikes....took our pellet guns to the creek behind the school ( imagine walking around carrying guns now)  Our neighbourhood was blessed with about 9 families and just about all us kids were the same age.  None of us were rich but none were poor also.  No video games...cell phones....computers

 

Could not have been better.

[The Arrogant Worms]

I had my son when I was 37 my wife was 26.   At times I wish I was younger but I would have been a shitty Father when I was in my 20's. 

 

Being older ( for me anyways) made me a better Dad.

 

I cant imagine being in my mid fifties and having another child.

 

And like a couple if you I was always in good shape from the gym and running.  I worked a graveyard shift so I could be Mr.Mom and be a stay at home dad when my wife went to work.  It was pretty tiring until my son entered school.  And like you I looked younger than my age.....got asked for ID at 46.

 

When people hit 60 that's when it seems that diseases rear their ugly head.  I am dealing with some pretty serious issues now afterbeing so healthy all my life.

 

But if you are going to do it....do not wait.  You don't know how long it will take to get pregnant.  And there are some risks have a child so late in life.. 

 

There is no greater feeling than holding your child for the 1st time....I hugs when they are growing in up.  Nowadays I tear up thinking about missing out on hims becoming even older.  But at least I know he will have a good future and I dot worry about him being to  care for himself financial.

 

And as for having kids?  This is why.....

 

 

Edited 7 hours ago by The Arrogant Worms

[Moeknows]

I'm old 70+, not an old dad. Kids were adults before I was 50. You really want to  be dealing with a 16 year old at 68.or 69? My advice DON"T DO IT!!!!

[Toni Zamboni]

17 hours ago, Babych said:

Hey all. So here’s the deal. 
 

Im thinking about having another child. I do have a grown daughter from a previous marriage, but my gf and I are talking about getting married and having one of our own.

 

I’m 52, she’s 36.. so at least one of us is relatively young. 
 

i will say that, for my age, I’m in great shape. I work out 5-6 times per week, I even do personal training as a side gig. A lot of people are shocked when I tell them my age (they think I’m 10 years younger).

 

 here’s my question to this esteemed group: are there any older dads here? Or children of older dads? I’d love to hear your stories.